Writing everyday is very important. And if you write it in a blog, you are sort of held accountable.So I figure I would just write about a funny thing that happen today
This was a very interesting day in it's own way. At about 8:00 this morning, Mike called from the hospital. He wanted to know if we borrowed a travel trailer or camper. What? No, Dear, I don't think so. When? He said that he just thought we had. Hmmm Can you say Morphine talking? Later in the day, He said, "You know that medicine you take?" Yes. "You know what I am talking about?" Yes. "Well how do you make the pictures clear?" Hmmm, we were watching TV sort of, I was trying to find something on. I realized he was being weird again. I answered "The remote?" He said, "How does that work?" Well on channel 31, it is TNT. He was sort satisfied with that answer. So he drifted back to sleep. Lyssa, my daughter called and asked if I wanted to get out of there for a while. She came by and picked me up. I was back in about an hour.
This time it was even more elaborate and colorful. He said "You missed the police coming in." What? While I was gone? "Yes, they were here being loud and I told them to be quiet. Who? The police came and arrested them. "Who?" "You know, Crystal, BJ and Vincent. Now we need to go and get our things." What things? They took something of ours? What?""Well, they took it, and we need to pick it up." What?" My cell phone and our marijuana." WHAT. WE don't have marijuana. We don't do drugs! Okay, I am trying to go along without laughing. I just said "Well Dear, there is your phone." He looked at it. "And we don't Have Drugs". He said "Oh yeah I guess they didn't get anything of ours."
Now the people he was talking about were kids of a friend of ours. They are all thieves and druggies. But he really likes his friend and so we tolerate the kids. Actually Mike thinks he can save them. Then he tells me "We could go over there" WHERE? But I played along. "I don't think Dr.Carey will let you leave the hospital yet." He said "No, but you could go." I am not sure where I am going or why, but I said "Okay". This went on and on. He called another one of our friends and ask him if he was there and a part of it. He told Mike no. He didn't know anything. I sent him a text a few minutes later to tell him it was the good drugs that Mike was getting.
After that, I gave him another sponge bath and his supper came in as well as his doctor. After the doctor left, I went down and ask him if was getting rid of the morphine. Yes. I let him know that was great since he didn't know how dangerous it was for us there. That the police had been here and things had been real dicey.
This is my funny story today. Now I know that Morphine and other drugs can do that to people. But it seems he has been on it for a week, and it just now started making him talk like a crazy man. He had been sleeping non stop, but the dreams were staying away. I do hope that it was the drugs and not the lack of oxygen. His oxygen levels had been down and they had to almost resuscitate him that first night. I am hoping that there wasn't any brain damage. He may be angry that we told the doctor to get rid of that pain pump. I don't want him to be in pain. His lungs are not in the best shape and he really needs to be up and walking. That pain pump was not letting him wake up well enough for that. I hope that they don't let him come home until Wednesday.
We have been married almost 36 years and I cannot imagine life without him. I truly hope he never has to suffer this again. We had one of the most incredible vacations ever this summer. We returned home the Sunday before he had this surgery. I thanked him for a wondrous time, I hope he realizes how much I loved it. How much I love our life together. It isn't perfect, but is anything perfect. In our marriage, we have had beautiful times and oh so horrible times. Somehow through everything we continue to come out on the other side.
Get well my Husband, my friend. I have many more memories I need to make with you.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Happy Birthday to Me
Well today was my first ever Backwards Birthday. Why didn't I think of this before? I think I am beginning a pattern here. Writing once a month. Not a great thing is it?
My husband Mike, is in the hospital. He has had his one millionth hernia repair surgery. Of course I am exaggerating, but it is over 20 and less than 30. I hope that this is the last one. I should be writing on my project for pay or on my book, but neither is getting done tonight. Way too much time spent on Facebook and Twitter. I haven't even checked my main email account. geesh. Oh well, I will do that tomorrow.
On the Writer's Digest Facebook page, I wrote that when I write to just babble, it is much easier than working. Because then of course it is work. And when I am trying to "work", I become the most popular person in the house. MOM, DEAR, or my phone ringing...Come Hither and take care of me. It is as if I don't have anything else to do as I am playing on the computer..that 's all. Hmmm..well I have to say I am just as guilty. When I am suppose to be working, I can think of a jillion and one things I need to be doing.
Speaking of the Writer's Digest, I found them from a suggestion on Twitter. I found some very good information and articles to help me with my writing. I can use all the information I can get my hands on. My next goal is to take a writing class of some kind. One class a semester. I need direction in my composition. You know all the stuff we learned in school, but if you don't use it, you loose it. I know that I have for sure. When I am lucky enough to be in a classroom with a real teacher, I take that opportunity to learn and participate in the classroom. I know it is only junior high level, but it helps. And sometimes I feel great when I can remember. The classroom I dread in junior high is the math classes. Ask me how to add, subtract, multiply or divide and I am there. Ask me about equations and all that other stuff....I am NOT there.
I usually have the students help each other or I look the answers up in the book.
Okay, I have written a little today, so I am outta here. It is midnight, and I need to do some laundry before I hit the hay. And my birthday is over until next year. 50 Here I come...lol
My husband Mike, is in the hospital. He has had his one millionth hernia repair surgery. Of course I am exaggerating, but it is over 20 and less than 30. I hope that this is the last one. I should be writing on my project for pay or on my book, but neither is getting done tonight. Way too much time spent on Facebook and Twitter. I haven't even checked my main email account. geesh. Oh well, I will do that tomorrow.
On the Writer's Digest Facebook page, I wrote that when I write to just babble, it is much easier than working. Because then of course it is work. And when I am trying to "work", I become the most popular person in the house. MOM, DEAR, or my phone ringing...Come Hither and take care of me. It is as if I don't have anything else to do as I am playing on the computer..that 's all. Hmmm..well I have to say I am just as guilty. When I am suppose to be working, I can think of a jillion and one things I need to be doing.
Speaking of the Writer's Digest, I found them from a suggestion on Twitter. I found some very good information and articles to help me with my writing. I can use all the information I can get my hands on. My next goal is to take a writing class of some kind. One class a semester. I need direction in my composition. You know all the stuff we learned in school, but if you don't use it, you loose it. I know that I have for sure. When I am lucky enough to be in a classroom with a real teacher, I take that opportunity to learn and participate in the classroom. I know it is only junior high level, but it helps. And sometimes I feel great when I can remember. The classroom I dread in junior high is the math classes. Ask me how to add, subtract, multiply or divide and I am there. Ask me about equations and all that other stuff....I am NOT there.
I usually have the students help each other or I look the answers up in the book.
Okay, I have written a little today, so I am outta here. It is midnight, and I need to do some laundry before I hit the hay. And my birthday is over until next year. 50 Here I come...lol
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Time and Getting Older
When I turned 50, I was like OK. "Half my life is over, but I have another 50 years and life is getting better and better. I plan on living at least another 50 years." Then I turned 51 and it seemed like 2 weeks later I was 52.
"Time" has always really depressed me. Even as a child, I can remember being depressed every new year. When we would return to school after our Christmas holiday and the first thing you do is write your name and date on a paper. I always felt such a sense of loss when we changed the year. I mean for 12 months you use the same year and then it is over. Done. Never get it back. I know that at the young age of 8 or 9, I didn't understand the feelings, I just knew I didn't like it.
Another thing that has always bothered me is the fact that Time passes so quickly you never get to enjoy the moment. For instance, those birthday milestones that we can't wait for when we are growing up. When I am 12, I get to wear makeup. When I turn 16, I get my license. Oh wow, I am 18 now.(When I turned 18, girls could buy beer and was more a legal adult than boys. This was later changed and everyone had to be 21 to be a legal adult.) Of course at 18 I was married. That was more common when I was that age. I was kind of at the end of that era. The one where girls were expected to stay home and care for the babies while the men made the living. The getting married has worked out pretty well for me. Mike and I celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary in December. The staying home was a different story. I began working full time in 1983.
But I digress....21 is the really big birthday, Right. But you realize that 21 is just a number and it passes by so quickly. It is sort of like Christmas. When you are young, you spend all year waiting for Christmas. At first it is sort of well next year I will ask for this or that...and then you go back to school, and start waiting for summer break...which of course seems like forever until it gets there...and then it is like a few minutes and school is starting. Well then you are waiting for Christmas..That is the best...Presents and Food and NO SCHOOL...So you start getting excited and your parents start playing the "Santa Clause" card really early...You better be good, cause Santa is watching...And finally it is here, and reality it is over in just 1 day.
For me, this is the way the way everything is....I feel like time should slow down and we can enjoy the moments we look forward to. Instead, we are looking ahead before we can even remember what the last one was. And in reality, looking ahead is a good thing. If we didn't look ahead, where would our dreams come from. How could we tolerate the moments that aren't so good. The ones that we really do need to leave behind and get over quickly.
Now back to my personal dilemma.When I turned 52 last year, I started yearning for my younger years and the passion that comes from living. I started feeling like my next 50 years would be over way too quickly. My newest Granddaughter was only 7 days old. And my oldest had turned 13 the month before. My Dad passed away at 67. That was only 15 years away for me. If I was that young, my Lilly would be so young. My Anna girl would only be 29. Chances are, I will live longer than my dad did. But you never know, life is so fragile really...
Oh and then the Vain Cindy came out. I didn't want to look so old. How could I look younger? And even if I did look younger, that wouldn't last long either. Of course, if you have read any of my blogs, you know I had the perfect answer. A little bit of Vampire Venom to take away the wrinkles. I know..crazy, but the side of me that likes to believe in fairy tales is still looking for it..lol.
My reality is that some of this helped me into my winter of depression. UGH. There is no rhyme or reason to depression. Chronic depression like mine has different triggers. And one trigger can set you up for it. Because the dark hole starts out as your friend. You are feeling sorry for yourself or someone else and you slip in and you can hide there. But then it gets too easy to stay...and while you are there, it is easy to block everyone else out. Seems no one can find you if you don't let them. And you pop out and try and act "normal", but as soon as they let you, you slip back in...And one day, you wake up and you are tired of the feelings. and you look around you and you are just feeling hopeless because you can't pop out...Heck you can't even see the light.
Sometimes I can get out of there before it takes me under, but this time, I had to have help. Called my counselor and we did some work. Well I am much better, but I know that I walk around all the time with one foot at the edge of the hole. so I digress again.I guess you probably didn't know that I was going to write a book this morning.
My birthday is coming around again this year. I decided some time this year that I no longer was going to have forward birthdays. I am going to start counting them backwards. I can't figure out if I will be 51 or stay 52 one more year. I think 51. 52 was one of those years I need to forget as quickly as possible.
So Happy Birthday to me and at the ripe old age of 51, I am looking forward to being 50 next year ;) Even though I am going backwards now, I hope that I take the time to enjoy everyone of the 49 years I have left.
Well my backyard is getting warmer and the ants are eating me, so I suppose I will close and head on into the house. OH and you see, I only mentioned my obsession once and if you didn't know I was obsessed with it, you would even know...My Twilight World...lol
"Time" has always really depressed me. Even as a child, I can remember being depressed every new year. When we would return to school after our Christmas holiday and the first thing you do is write your name and date on a paper. I always felt such a sense of loss when we changed the year. I mean for 12 months you use the same year and then it is over. Done. Never get it back. I know that at the young age of 8 or 9, I didn't understand the feelings, I just knew I didn't like it.
Another thing that has always bothered me is the fact that Time passes so quickly you never get to enjoy the moment. For instance, those birthday milestones that we can't wait for when we are growing up. When I am 12, I get to wear makeup. When I turn 16, I get my license. Oh wow, I am 18 now.(When I turned 18, girls could buy beer and was more a legal adult than boys. This was later changed and everyone had to be 21 to be a legal adult.) Of course at 18 I was married. That was more common when I was that age. I was kind of at the end of that era. The one where girls were expected to stay home and care for the babies while the men made the living. The getting married has worked out pretty well for me. Mike and I celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary in December. The staying home was a different story. I began working full time in 1983.
But I digress....21 is the really big birthday, Right. But you realize that 21 is just a number and it passes by so quickly. It is sort of like Christmas. When you are young, you spend all year waiting for Christmas. At first it is sort of well next year I will ask for this or that...and then you go back to school, and start waiting for summer break...which of course seems like forever until it gets there...and then it is like a few minutes and school is starting. Well then you are waiting for Christmas..That is the best...Presents and Food and NO SCHOOL...So you start getting excited and your parents start playing the "Santa Clause" card really early...You better be good, cause Santa is watching...And finally it is here, and reality it is over in just 1 day.
For me, this is the way the way everything is....I feel like time should slow down and we can enjoy the moments we look forward to. Instead, we are looking ahead before we can even remember what the last one was. And in reality, looking ahead is a good thing. If we didn't look ahead, where would our dreams come from. How could we tolerate the moments that aren't so good. The ones that we really do need to leave behind and get over quickly.
Now back to my personal dilemma.When I turned 52 last year, I started yearning for my younger years and the passion that comes from living. I started feeling like my next 50 years would be over way too quickly. My newest Granddaughter was only 7 days old. And my oldest had turned 13 the month before. My Dad passed away at 67. That was only 15 years away for me. If I was that young, my Lilly would be so young. My Anna girl would only be 29. Chances are, I will live longer than my dad did. But you never know, life is so fragile really...
Oh and then the Vain Cindy came out. I didn't want to look so old. How could I look younger? And even if I did look younger, that wouldn't last long either. Of course, if you have read any of my blogs, you know I had the perfect answer. A little bit of Vampire Venom to take away the wrinkles. I know..crazy, but the side of me that likes to believe in fairy tales is still looking for it..lol.
My reality is that some of this helped me into my winter of depression. UGH. There is no rhyme or reason to depression. Chronic depression like mine has different triggers. And one trigger can set you up for it. Because the dark hole starts out as your friend. You are feeling sorry for yourself or someone else and you slip in and you can hide there. But then it gets too easy to stay...and while you are there, it is easy to block everyone else out. Seems no one can find you if you don't let them. And you pop out and try and act "normal", but as soon as they let you, you slip back in...And one day, you wake up and you are tired of the feelings. and you look around you and you are just feeling hopeless because you can't pop out...Heck you can't even see the light.
Sometimes I can get out of there before it takes me under, but this time, I had to have help. Called my counselor and we did some work. Well I am much better, but I know that I walk around all the time with one foot at the edge of the hole. so I digress again.I guess you probably didn't know that I was going to write a book this morning.
My birthday is coming around again this year. I decided some time this year that I no longer was going to have forward birthdays. I am going to start counting them backwards. I can't figure out if I will be 51 or stay 52 one more year. I think 51. 52 was one of those years I need to forget as quickly as possible.
So Happy Birthday to me and at the ripe old age of 51, I am looking forward to being 50 next year ;) Even though I am going backwards now, I hope that I take the time to enjoy everyone of the 49 years I have left.
Well my backyard is getting warmer and the ants are eating me, so I suppose I will close and head on into the house. OH and you see, I only mentioned my obsession once and if you didn't know I was obsessed with it, you would even know...My Twilight World...lol
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