Time for Some Christmas Love Again

Here it is Dec 2. Just 23 more days until Christmas. This is definitely my favorite time of the year. I just wish I could somehow figure out how to slow it down. It seems we are so busy living life, working, taking care of children, or going to school. We have a busy regular life and then we have to  squeeze in so much Christmas in 25 days. Is it any wonder why we try so hard to begin earlier and earlier each year?

For the retailers, we know that they are trying to squeeze every last dime from us to make all their numbers come out in black and staying out of the red. Christmas trees in stores in September before Halloween decorations, they do have an agenda. Have you ever noticed how they begin to play reruns of Christmas movies in the heat of summer? Hmmm...I don't think it is an accident. They play on all those warm and fuzzy feelings that we all get this time of the year.

That is just it...we all play right into that. It is such a magical time of the year, full of love and good will...we crave it.. we all want it. It is magical and it does bring out the best in almost everyone. Of course I know that it isn't wonderful for every one. There are still the lonely and homeless. Those that are sick and dying. People without family that love them. Children that still go to bed hungry. But the fact is everyone wants to make a difference. Just like the Grinch found out..Christmas comes no matter what. We all want a part of making it happen..It makes our heart grow so many sizes...just like the Grinch's did.

Everyone wants to reach out and help. People say "excuse me","Thank You", and "Please".  You see people reaching deeper into their pockets to help their neighbors and even strangers. This is the one time of the year that people give of themselves with no other thought but to help.  And it makes us feel so good. There is no other time of the year that people are more generous and giving. I just wish that we could keep Christmas in our hearts a little longer.

I know that God gave us his son on that first Christmas so many many years ago. Jesus was the ultimate gift. I can only imagine God's warm and fuzzy feelings for giving such a perfect gift. This is the reason for the season. And even when we get caught up in the commercialism of it all... I honestly believe that most every person knows that giving is better than receiving. The gift of giving is one that God has passed down to us. Learning to stretch that feeling throughout the year, would be a gift into itself.

So once again this year I will be trying to enjoy all 25 days.  I want to feel Christmas every day of the month. It seems I am not very good at it, because it is always over way too soon..But I will try. :)


 

Celebrating Megan

Today we will celebrate Megan's life. It was a short life filled with many challenges. I was blessed that she touched my life these past 3 years. This goes along with the saying that people come in and out of your life for a purpose, a reason. Finding the reason and enjoying the blessings is the secret to God's plan.

Last Friday, the strings that held Megan to this world were cut.The strings fell away and with them all the pain, all the uncertainties, everything that held her back these past 16 years. When God presented her with her wings, the mountains were not too high and the impossible became possible. Her legs are straight and strong. Her eyes can see every color of the rainbow. Her ears can hear every whisper that the butterfly's wings make. Her voice rings out strong and loud as she sings with the angels.

Although the strings that bound her here to this earth are gone, the strings that hold her in our hearts are as strong as ever. These strings made of gold holds her here in our hearts forever. She will never be forgotten. Our hearts will be filled with love and sorrow that she is no longer here with us. Of course we know that she now she flies with the Angels, however there is that selfish part of us that will never understand why she had to leave this earth so soon.

I would say Rest in Peace Megan, but I cannot imagine that you will be resting. I see you running, laughing, and enjoying the perfection that God has granted you now. 

Angels

I have written about my job before. I am so fortunate that I found it and I feel so guilty calling it a "Job". I think that I would pay them to let me hang out there all day. There is no way to express how it has changed my heart. Who knew that loving children that didn't belong to me would be so easy and satisfying. I am absolutely certain of one thing. God blessed my life by putting these Angels in my world.

 I love my children and grandchildren, but my students at school are on another level. I don't love them any more than my own, but they certainly have that part of my heart I never knew existed.  We have 4 autistic grandsons that span the spectrum. When I see the challenges facing these precious children in my classroom, I know that we could be facing worse.

Right now, the challenge is to say goodbye to Megan. I am not ready to say goodbye. It doesn't feel like I have had enough time with her. I know that when God gets ready to bring us home, it is His choice. Wanda and I talked about how she would be perfect in Heaven. And I said that she was already perfect, but that she would be able to walk, talk and run. There would be no more pain and suffering. After taking care of her baby for 16 years,Wanda was worried about who would take care of her there. Of course she answered that question...God will.

For the past 16 years, she has been an angel here on earth. Her smile is beautiful and lights up the room. Her sky blue eyes sparkle when she laughs. She throws her colors and blocks across the room.
Her laughter for pulling such a stunt is contagious. Of course when we scold her for throwing those toys, she rolls her eyes at us.  I love to hold her soft hands. I always imagine cuddling up and watching movies with her. Her mom said she loves to cuddle. In our 5th hour, we play music. It doesn't matter what it is, she has a great time. She lights up, claps her hands and throws her head back and laughs.

The doctors have now said that they have done all they can. She is such a fighter, you just can't imagine her giving up. I don't think she actually gave up, but her heart just can't keep up anymore. So now it is God's turn to decide when to call her home.  I know that God is choosing a pair of Angel Wings and that nothing but perfect will be good enough.

So whenever he sends her wings and calls her home, we will lose a part of something wonderful. A piece of my heart will be broken. I don't know how to say goodbye. I don't know how to comfort her mom and dad, I don't know how, I just don't know how. I know that prayer will make it better, and I know that we will have plenty of those. My prayer for Ron and Wanda is that God gives them the strength to go on from here. I pray that he helps them understand how taking Megan from our lives is the best thing. I know they will not see it now. I cannot imagine it ever making any sense.

Megan, when God finds the perfect pair of Angel Wings, he will lift you in air and set you free. You will always be with us. We will see your smile in the face of a stranger. We will hear your voice in the wind. When we least expect it, we will feel your butterfly kisses on our cheeks. And although your heart will be silent, we will hear it. These memories you have given us are precious.

Thank you Wanda and Ron for sharing your beautiful Megan with me. She will have a special place in my heart that I will never let go.

Family Day

We spent this Sunday riding down to Mt. Scott in the Wichita Wildlife Refugee. We have been there before, but I think my grandchildren really enjoy it. Mike and Lloyd took the motorcycles and the kids took turns riding there. They had so much fun.

I am not sure what they enjoy the most. It seems that every time we go it is cool and WINDY... wow.. But we ended up with a great day. They even enjoy the visitor center. It seems that we see something new every time we go. This time the Buffalo and Long Horn Cattle were out and more visible.

Six of the grandchildren came with us. Two of the girls were missing. It never seems like we can get them all together. but with Anna being 15 going on 35...we don't see very much of her and our poor Katie girl broke her arm on Christmas Day and she didn't need to be climbing around on the rocks or riding the motorcycle. Of course if she had been there, we wouldn't be able to stop her. It is also a challenge when 4 of our boys are autistic. We never know when we plan an outing how it will end. When you try to cater to our kids, a melt down can make the day miserable...but on the other hand, when it all comes together, it is beautiful. We had one of those days on Sunday.

Noah is non verbal which means he doesn't use words. However his actions and the sounds he makes lets us know whether or not he is having a good day. He had a wonderful day. It was really awesome. As he gets older, you can see that he is learning more everyday on how to communicate with us. And the more he learns, the easier his life becomes and ours in turn....

He smiled all day long. This picture of him and his dad sitting on the top of the rocks, shows him completely relaxed. The sun reflecting in the sky, bouncing off the rocks seems to be showing Angel beams bouncing off his smile.  

Of course we had our Lilly Girl with us and she was telling us what to do all day long.Took her baby with us to the top...

Brody wouldn't ride on the motorcycle with Dad or Papa because neither wore their Overhauls. It seems that Brody doesn't feel safe unless he can use the straps to hold on to. He had a great time at the Visitor center.

Ashton was convinced that the top of Mt. Scott had dinosaur footprints in the rocks. He was measuring up to the "dinosaur track"

And then we have the two older boys..Cousins they are, but also best friends. Listening to their conversations can be enlightening to say the least. Both are high functioning Autistic. Now they are at the age that they really don't want people to know. I am so proud of what they accomplish everyday. We had some conversations on how those Texas Long Horns got to Oklahoma.

Here is a pic of Anna and Katie the ones we had to leave behind on Sunday. Although Katie did not want to miss it...well on the other hand, sometimes Anna just doesn't have time. I so understand..but sometimes I wish she could come and enjoy our outings. She just doesn't know how much we miss her.

Although my daughter and the two girls were missing, we had a great day. We are not always so lucky to have days like this. With our boys disabilities, it is hard to find activities that are fun and sensory friendly. This day, God blessed us with his love and the Angels were looking down on us.

Christmas in our Pockets

Christmas time for some is not the happy merry occasion that movies are made of. But for the rest of us, we can't get enough. Every year we start with the idea that everything will be perfect. That this year, Martha Stewart will be jealous of all our efforts. Our house will be the exact replica of the "Better Homes And Garden" holiday edition. Of course unless we are a Martha Stewart Clone or we can afford to hire one, our ambitions might fall a little short.

Every year people complain that Christmas is so commercialized and it is taking away from the true meaning of Christmas. But every year when they role out the decorations in late September, early October we all start browsing the shelves. Why? Well I believe it is because that we are searching for all the warm fuzzy feelings that Christmas brings us. Christmas seems to bring out the good and selflessness of our human nature. We spend most of the year thinking of and trying to make ends meet. Trying to get through this life the best we can. We get so wound up in working, carpooling, little league, soccer, school and payday to payday...we forget all about faith and caring.

Christmas cheer and love seems to see no boundaries. People caring about each other in way they don't the rest of the year. They have faith that nothing is impossible. Reaching out and giving a piece of themselves, sharing love and bounty. This is the time we know that the Gift of Giving is a blessing in itself.  Oh how good it feels to give. I think about this every year. If we all carried a little bit of Christmas in our pockets all year long, how much better would our lives be. The blessings we receive by giving could be had all year long.

God gave us his son on Christmas Day. A baby child that would be a King.What makes it even more special, is that he knew he would give his life for us. God knew that giving from the heart was a blessing. My Christmas wish this year...That we all put a piece of Christmas in our pockets and feel that magic all year long. Let's remember that God's love is contagious and when we start sharing it, it spreads.

The Day Our World Changed 9/11/2001

This was a day that our life as we knew it ended. Our whole beings were shook to the core the day we realized that we were not "safe". We were made aware that there was indeed this much hate in the world. More hate than most of us could ever think possible.
And that hate was aimed at our nation. The nation we were so proud of. Our God was literally under attack. And that hate washed over us and made us think of things we possibly had never thought of before. Anger, hate, helplessness, fear, pain, thoughts of the most horrific revenge.

As we watched over and over that day, the planes slamming into the buildings, and watched it live, people throwing themselves from the windows to their death. The fear of burning to death, sent them to a quicker release from fear and pain. The we stopped thinking and we were numb as the media kept these pictures in our thoughts. I cannot imagine how those people at ground zero were coping with the terror. Watching and waiting and looking for loved ones that would never come home.

Our nation stood up that day together to pick up the pieces and somehow go on with our lives. We have tried to understand how someone could hate us so. We had to look at ourselves with different eyes to see how we got here. If somehow it was our fault.
Of course it is not our fault that people Hate.
We had to learn hard lessons on diversity and what that really means.The "Constitution of the United States" was written for every citizen without prejudice of their beliefs. "Our Nation under God indivisible with liberty and justice for all" means just that.

We must never forget the day America was attacked. We must remember those that died because of hate. Learn that we have to be diligent in watching out for those that would cause us harm.
And remember that hate breeds hate and it has to stop with us. I pray that God will take hate from our hearts and let there be peace.

March 2

Good Morning, It is freezing here today, but temps are suppose to go up up up! In the 80s by the end of the week...But of course our heater went out this weekend..so I have the burners on the stove lit right now..I know, that is a no no...but I am cold. And there are no small children around.

I have not felt well for a long time now. I run a low grade fever for a few days, then it will spike, then it will go away. I have been to the doctor twice in the past month. He now has me on two antibiotics...And I am so so tired...but I know that is the FM talking. You know how you go along and push yourself and the fatigue just comes on slowly until you find it hard to get out of bed, but it hurts too bad to stay in. Well, that is where I am right now...my eyes are red and puffy and they hurt too...
Did I tell you this is a whine fest. I am just so tired of feeling like this. And I know there is a reason I am on SSDI...But for the life of me, I keep lying to myself. That is why I continue to work part time. I enjoy it so much, but it is not being nice to me.

I could just lay down and sleep all day...not..as I cannot sleep like that, but if I could..oh it would feel so good...

I am also so angry...with the economy, with the politics, with all that I cannot change but is eating me from the inside...
And if that isn't enough... Those Crazy people from the Westboro Church out of Kansas has decided that God Hates Our HIGH SCHOOL..
They will be protesting outside our High School today and spewing out words that God Hates our Children here...What kind of nonsense is that???
I believe that people have a free will and choice about how they worship God. But to stand outside and tell our teenagers that God hates them is just a little bit more than I am willing to accept. It is bad enough that these people show up at times where we are mourning our family members, but to come out and tell Children that God hates them...I cannot accept that.
I am just so tired and I know that God does get angry with us, but he loves us...

Okay I guess that I have whined enough today...hopefully tomorrow will be better.