March 2

Good Morning, It is freezing here today, but temps are suppose to go up up up! In the 80s by the end of the week...But of course our heater went out this weekend..so I have the burners on the stove lit right now..I know, that is a no no...but I am cold. And there are no small children around.

I have not felt well for a long time now. I run a low grade fever for a few days, then it will spike, then it will go away. I have been to the doctor twice in the past month. He now has me on two antibiotics...And I am so so tired...but I know that is the FM talking. You know how you go along and push yourself and the fatigue just comes on slowly until you find it hard to get out of bed, but it hurts too bad to stay in. Well, that is where I am right now...my eyes are red and puffy and they hurt too...
Did I tell you this is a whine fest. I am just so tired of feeling like this. And I know there is a reason I am on SSDI...But for the life of me, I keep lying to myself. That is why I continue to work part time. I enjoy it so much, but it is not being nice to me.

I could just lay down and sleep all day...not..as I cannot sleep like that, but if I could..oh it would feel so good...

I am also so angry...with the economy, with the politics, with all that I cannot change but is eating me from the inside...
And if that isn't enough... Those Crazy people from the Westboro Church out of Kansas has decided that God Hates Our HIGH SCHOOL..
They will be protesting outside our High School today and spewing out words that God Hates our Children here...What kind of nonsense is that???
I believe that people have a free will and choice about how they worship God. But to stand outside and tell our teenagers that God hates them is just a little bit more than I am willing to accept. It is bad enough that these people show up at times where we are mourning our family members, but to come out and tell Children that God hates them...I cannot accept that.
I am just so tired and I know that God does get angry with us, but he loves us...

Okay I guess that I have whined enough today...hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Pain Management

Friday I had my first appointment with the pain management dude er..Doctor...
I was so nervous. I had that "Your a Drug Addict" paranoia going on. I felt that my regular Rhuematologist felt like I was abusing my pain meds because I was needing more and more of them. I kept telling myself that I had been on the same dosage for almost 5 years. He explained how a PMD(pain management doctor) had more options to treat me. I was thinking sure...he will pull me off all meds and tell me I am faking...

Well I am happy to tell you I was wrong. He is a very caring doctor and understands fibromyalgia...What??? I am so lucky to have two doctors that believe in me when I read the horror stories from others that can't get more than an aspirin to help with their pain.
Wow..I am blessed.

He really gets it. I don't know what I expected from him, but not this much understanding of pain in Fibromyalgia. Well go ahead and say it...DUH...he is a PAIN Doctor....
He spent almost 2 hrs with me going over my history and examining me.
And then he wrote out the instructions and treatment plan. WHAT???Words that I understand and written down so that my foggy brain won't forget. And an explanation of what each med would do for me...I was blown away.

He also through in some counseling. I will write it down as he did

1. Must accept that you pain will likely NEVER TOTALLY go away.
2. Must learn to adjust and pace activity.
3. Must learn it is okay to "Be Broken"
4. Understand that your meaning and value in this life is not measured in what I do.

It was like he knew what all of us feel. You know that even as hard as my family trys, they cannot see all these truths. How can I expect them to when I have not accepted it myself. We had some discussion of the You Must Accept one...And I told him that I go through the whole accept...Have a good day, week or even month and I start to feel I am NOT Sick...and bam I am knocked down again, and then of course you go through the denial, grief and acceptance thing all over again. This is when he gave me the pace speech again with a different twist that I had not heard before. If a diabetic is in denial, and will not eat properly, his diabetes will never be under control. So when we are in the denial part, and we are pushing ourselves, this creates more and more pain and we will never have our pain controlled...so in fact...we must ACCEPT and PACE to ever get our pain under control.

He then said his goal was to have his patients as pain free as possible and the only way our families know that we take meds is by the empty medicine bottle sitting there.

As we sat and talked, he put this gadget on me. It had little clamps that clamped onto your ear lobes. He turned it on and it sent electrical waves through the brain. I wish I could explain it like he does. It is not cheap and of course Medicare as well as other insurances will not cover it. He uses it in the office while you are there and I have to say that after 25 minutes of use, it did help me feel more relaxed and I was in less pain. Now to understand how I knew it affected my pain, you have to understand that I had not had any pain meds for almost 24hrs and I was in pretty severe pain when I went in. I also had a sinus headache and menstrual cramps. Also my anxiety levels were up as I got lost on my way there and I was late, added to the fact I was seeing a new doctor that I thought was going to yell at me for taking too many pain meds. So in fact I know that it made my pain more tolerable and it did calm me. I left that office at 12:00 and I didn't get my meds until after 4. Anyways, moving on..the name of the device is Alpha-Stim. This is their website. www.alpha-stim.com

Of course I did get the excercise speech and he told me that on FIT TV, they have all kinds of excercise programs and some of them are for people with arthritis. So I found the channel, and will try and find a program that will help me.

Now the medication part...He said that he wanted to try me on a med that would keep a small dosage of pain med in my body at all times. Then I could use the Lortab for breakthrough pain. Instead of taking my pain med, and then it wear off and my pain levels get out of control before my next dosage. He said patches or pills. He decided pills. He also said he likes the name brand better than the generic as he thinks they work better. He also said we might have trouble getting the insurance to pay for it. Well guess what...Nope it wasn't on my Medicare D plan. So on Monday I will call him and tell him that and see what he wants to do, cause I cannot afford 200 plus for one medication. He also wants me to continue my other meds and only change one thing at a time. So here we go.

Hey I went to RXList to look up the drug Kadian. They had a slide show about Fibromyalgia posted there. You know it was funny, that this was on that page. One of the slides says that Narcotic meds were not often prescribed for FM because they have not been proven to work. So why would you put this slide show on this particular med then...who knows... But here is the slide show. http://www.rxlist.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=90070

Well Have a great weekend and GO SOONERS!!!! Whoo Hooooo

Not feeling Well

I hate Fibromyalgia, I hate not feeling well and I get so angry when I don't feel good...
I ended up teaching a half a day yesterday in the Special Ed class at an Elementary School.
I enjoyed it so much.

I did not sleep well. I hate Zanaflex...I have to take 3 for them to help me sleep. If I try more than that, I will hallucinate...and sometimes the 3 makes me. Like last night...But when I am sick, I dream crazy anyways...
I sit up last night too long as I knew I had to work today, but I just kept feeling worse and worse.
I was coughing...When I got up this am, I knew I could not work today...
I can see that this is the type of job I need. And I feel I have made huge progress...When I worked before, I would make myself go in sick or not...I could not let my people down now could I...
We were told in the workshop that they would not question us for cancelling a job, if we couldn't do it, we couldn't do it...I just feel rotten about it...

Do you ever get confused on if it is JUST the FM, or if you are really sick????
Doesn't it make you crazy? You spend a few days thinking it is just the FM until you get way worse and realize you could have nipped it in the bud. Or you think you are really sick and go to the doctor, and guess what...It is ONLY your FM...

I suppose you can figure out that this is a big ole whiny post today...
Here's to hoping for better days tomorrow...

Oh by the way, I have an appointment with a pain doctor on Friday. I am feeling pretty depressed about that also. I feel like my doctor is punishing me for needing more pain meds.
I have been on the same dosage for about 4 years...and now I am needing more than I have been prescribed. Duh...4years...I am becoming tolerant to the issue. Not only that, and I have talked to the PA about this. I had gastric bypass surgery 5 years ago. So I believe that the drug is not absorbed by the body before it is pushed out of my system. Much like the nutrients in my food.
So although the dosage I am on is higher, I am getting much lower bennefits from it. I even have to take chewable vitamins so that they will dissolve quicker.
You know, the doctor could have tried me on the liquid...but nope...

Have a great day and I will try and cheer up before I come back here...

Good Morning,
Today started out so cool and crisp..I love Fall. I think there is something I love about every season. Fall I love...Highs in the 60's and 70's and lows in the 50's..hmmmm.
Well we had our morning of lows in the 50's, but the afternoon will hit 80 again.
When we are riding the motorcycle however, I would rather it be in the 80's as I do not like wearing all the leather stuff...It does help me stay warm, but it is so hard to wear...Heavy I guess and bulky...Harder to climb on and off.

A little about our Motorcycle...We got a large chunk of money...not rich chunk chunk, but big enough to invest in something for fun...he decided to buy a motorcycle. Now I was against it...For one thing, he never talked about wanting one, and I just always thought they were too dangerous and then you know them bikers...well I just thought they were...you know..criminals and dopers...
Well NOT...lol..So of course I went along with Mike. He promised that he would show me the United States. I had never really been anywhere. He was a truck driver and went everywhere, I stayed home, worked and raised our children...So I guess I will see it on the back of a Bike.

He bought a brand new 2005 Yamaha 1700 Midnight Silverado Roadstar.
With the Yamaha, we got a years free membership into Star Touring and Riding Association.
He had decided he wanted to look for a group to ride with and he did a lot of research on the internet. Star is a family orientated group. They believe in promoting safe riding and bringing families together. I think the thing that sold Mike was that they support Feed The Children.
He is all about Kids...
So we contacted our local chapter and went on our first dinner run with them.
We have made so many new friends. We have a new "Star" family.
This is a link to Chapter 378 in North OKC http://www.starchapter378.com/
I have learned so much about "Bikers" and have a new respect for them.
Of course you have your 1%s and they are Clubs like the Hell's Angels.
We are NOT a Club, but an Association.
Our President of the Chapter is CSI for Midwest City, OK...We have business owners, police officers, teachers, bankers and just regular folks.

Our Star Family has been a blessing. And we are a family.
This year at the Oklahoma City Walk For Autism, Our chapter came out and walked with my family. Next year they really want to get more involved. I hope our Team will raise money and awareness for Autism Speaks.http://www.autismspeaks.org/

Of course when you are a Family there is lots of laughter and fun, but then there are tears.
We have lost one member of our family when he was hit by a car. We have another member fighting for her life. She has stage 4 cancer.
Just like a real family, we have to invest our hearts and lives.

You would think that riding would hurt my FM and OA...it does...but then it hurts to sit at home and watch the world go by...So I think that the fun and laughter keeps my spirits higher and lets me deal with the pain.
It also pushes me to get out of this house when it is easier to just stay in and climb into that hole of depression. I don't want you to think that it is always easy, and there are times I just cannot go...but..it helps to be a part of something.
When I had to give up my job...it left a hole inside...a sense of being part of something. A reason to get up in the mornings. This has given some of that back to me.
I am also the secretary, so if feels good to be needed.
Mike traded our Roadstar in for a Harley Davidson Ultra Classic.
He said so that I would be more comfortable. I am..So this does help.
There have been rides that I could not have done on the Roadstar.
We have been to Sturgis SD. We have ridden to the fartherest point west in OK. We rode into New Mexico. We went on a ride to Rodgers AK this summer.
I could not have made those rides on the Roadstar.

Hope you have a great day....

Good Morning to all...I have just tried this Picasa that comes with the Blogging site...WoW...

It is great. I hope everyone is having a great day.

This Fibro stuff can really stink sometimes...My body has been putting up with all the fronts moving across for awhile now...and it is tired of all the changes...My OA in my hands will not let me sew...

And my butt where I fell a while back is hurting too...So I am doomed...not really, but I am sick and tired of being sick and tired...

I also need a job. A real job with real money. This Social Security stuff is for the birds.

I am on Disability with my Fibro and OA, but that does not really give you money to play on.

I keep thinking ...I was making close to 40,000 a year, and now I make less than 18000...

I was broke then and I am still broke now...Why is it the more money we make, the more money we spend...This is another one of those lessons in life that I was suppose to learn, but chose to ignore...

Well since my wrist are screaming, I guess I will have to come back later and post again...

I really need to rename this....to Cindy's Thoughts

I really need to rename my Blog..while Fibromyalgia is an important part of my life..Darn it..it is not the only thing..
The other day I was thinking of what I think about different stuff...in general and wrote down some stuff to blog about...
Hmmm if I could only find the list.
I guess today I will write about my party's nominated VP....Sara Palin. WOW...Did McCain hit it out of the park or what!!!!
A Woman in politics that have small children at home and one that is special needs.
We have to get her into office.

People will say ..."Well what about Hillary???? I never respected Hillary. You know how some times you meet a person and something about them just rubs you the wrong way...and I kept thinking well...maybe I am just being too hard on her...but that feeling just never went away. And suddenly they had to move from the House on the Hill..
The Clintons lived in Arkansas. That was their home, but when their term was over...Hillary went State shopping. I would think that you would want to go home and do something for the people that got you started in the political ring.
And when it got time to start the election machine, her and several other's...said WE made a mistake by supporting this war...WHAT????You got the same intel as the Prez and every other person in Senate and House....So now you are telling the soldiers of this country they are wrong to be where they are. This is just my spin, but it makes me so angry that they stand up now and LIE so they will win an election.
Also another thing that just really makes me angry...When the Prez asked for more money for OUR SOLDIERS....there were certain members of our government that held our soldiers hostage. Only voting to support them if certain things were promised to their own state....Hanging our family members out to dry so to speak.

Now if I get any hate mail on this, just let me say right up front I WILL NOT engage in an argument about this. I gave my opinion and you can give yours...but don't expect me to turn this into a "war". I don't fight well and I don't articulate well and I just won't do it...

Hope everyone has a great day....

Fibromyalgia meets OA

Just thought I would start blogging since I created this place out of sort of figuring out that people love to read blogs and I like writing stuff that pops into my brain...
Now a little about me...I have Fibromyalgia..I think for all of my life, and if you have never heard of it...well neither had I until I was dx with it in 2002. Now I knew about the pain and being tired, but I thought that all these years since I was a kid...that I was lazy and that everyone had pain and the older I got and the more pain I was in...so what..my Mom had a headache her intire life and my Dad was crippled with osteoarthritis as was his mom....So it was normal Right???
Wrong...When my body finally had enough..it screamed and didn't let me get away with it anymore...I had a huge flare up and I couldn't get out of the chair...Finally I saw a specialist..which is a Rhuematologist who takes care of arthritis patients. Arthritis is caused by inflammation, but Fibromyalgia is not an inflammatory problem...go figure...hmmmm
My first Rhuematologist got me dx and started to help me figure out stuff to do...but my job was very physical and stressful. About 9 months went by and finally my body screamed STOP!!!
It didn't really give me a choice...I found a new Rhuematologist..He has been a life saver. The first priority of his was to get me out of pain. By this time I was off work and on short term disability. So long story short for now, I have osteoarthritis in almost every joint of my body. If I have a joint that doesn't have it, I don't know where it would be located...lol
So some days it is hard to figure where fm starts and the oa ends or visa versus...
This past week has been like that...Of course I have been doing some of the no no's...like overdoing it...You have to excercise with out pushing the limit or the excercise makes you worse...But then sometimes getting dressed pushes you past the limit...
Well that is enough about me today..I hope that you will come back and read as I post...