Happy New Year

Happy New Year!!! I say that like I mean it and I really do want everyone to have a very Happy New Year, so why does this time always give me the blues...Every year. It doesn't matter if things are super, which they are not, but it never fails to put me into the blues.
I know that people get that depression from not getting enough sunlight, but this is so much more.
I can remember in grade school being depressed every new year. It is like I am mourning the loss of time. I try and think why I get so down, I just don't know..Of course when I was growing up and we had great traditions..from the tree to Christmas eve and Christmas morning. And those traditions grew as I got older and had a family of my own...But when I was a kid, my dad drank really alot..and there were lots of fights between him and my mom about his drinking.
Then, the fact that he was a carpentar and my Dad's work was off in the winter time, which meant that money was tight and there were fights about that. I guess it was just not a real cheery time around our house. Oh of course Christmas was magical, but I guess I felt the anger and tension between my parents. Maybe that is why I get so depressed. But you know the new year should be a chance to start over and change things and be new again, but it just seems to me that I was always mourning the loss of time. I love clocks and I like to collect them. I think of it as getting more time. I want real clocks though..not battery operated ones...but seems like that is all you can afford to buy now as the "real" clocks are so expensive.
I think alot of time the reason I do not want to go to bed is because it is like wasting my time. And sleeping late is also a waste of time. I really have a hard time staying in bed because of the pain also. This morning I just wanted to sleep, but I had to get up...I am way too young to feel this damn old...
Well I guess this is just the same old rambling that I always do.
Hope you all have a great New Year and maybe by the time February rolls in, I will be much better...

Not feeling Well

I hate Fibromyalgia, I hate not feeling well and I get so angry when I don't feel good...
I ended up teaching a half a day yesterday in the Special Ed class at an Elementary School.
I enjoyed it so much.

I did not sleep well. I hate Zanaflex...I have to take 3 for them to help me sleep. If I try more than that, I will hallucinate...and sometimes the 3 makes me. Like last night...But when I am sick, I dream crazy anyways...
I sit up last night too long as I knew I had to work today, but I just kept feeling worse and worse.
I was coughing...When I got up this am, I knew I could not work today...
I can see that this is the type of job I need. And I feel I have made huge progress...When I worked before, I would make myself go in sick or not...I could not let my people down now could I...
We were told in the workshop that they would not question us for cancelling a job, if we couldn't do it, we couldn't do it...I just feel rotten about it...

Do you ever get confused on if it is JUST the FM, or if you are really sick????
Doesn't it make you crazy? You spend a few days thinking it is just the FM until you get way worse and realize you could have nipped it in the bud. Or you think you are really sick and go to the doctor, and guess what...It is ONLY your FM...

I suppose you can figure out that this is a big ole whiny post today...
Here's to hoping for better days tomorrow...

Oh by the way, I have an appointment with a pain doctor on Friday. I am feeling pretty depressed about that also. I feel like my doctor is punishing me for needing more pain meds.
I have been on the same dosage for about 4 years...and now I am needing more than I have been prescribed. Duh...4years...I am becoming tolerant to the issue. Not only that, and I have talked to the PA about this. I had gastric bypass surgery 5 years ago. So I believe that the drug is not absorbed by the body before it is pushed out of my system. Much like the nutrients in my food.
So although the dosage I am on is higher, I am getting much lower bennefits from it. I even have to take chewable vitamins so that they will dissolve quicker.
You know, the doctor could have tried me on the liquid...but nope...

Have a great day and I will try and cheer up before I come back here...

Good Morning to all...I have just tried this Picasa that comes with the Blogging site...WoW...

It is great. I hope everyone is having a great day.

This Fibro stuff can really stink sometimes...My body has been putting up with all the fronts moving across for awhile now...and it is tired of all the changes...My OA in my hands will not let me sew...

And my butt where I fell a while back is hurting too...So I am doomed...not really, but I am sick and tired of being sick and tired...

I also need a job. A real job with real money. This Social Security stuff is for the birds.

I am on Disability with my Fibro and OA, but that does not really give you money to play on.

I keep thinking ...I was making close to 40,000 a year, and now I make less than 18000...

I was broke then and I am still broke now...Why is it the more money we make, the more money we spend...This is another one of those lessons in life that I was suppose to learn, but chose to ignore...

Well since my wrist are screaming, I guess I will have to come back later and post again...