They are learning how hard it is to be a friend. And how friendship means being committed. How life gets in the way sometimes of good intentions and How easily it is to lose a friend.
Here is what I wrote in bold Italics. My granddaughter sometimes makes remarks when I make a comment. This time, she told me it was amazing. Did I tell you how great she is...and at 14...What a wonderful gift she is.
I am sorry cause you know I am going to say something...sorry..I can't help it. There is a reason that people that are older are called Wise. There is a reason you think your parents don't understand. It isn't because we have never lived th...rough it. It is because we have lived through it. We have already made the mistakes and we have already learned some versions of the answers. And we tend to dismiss your feelings and expect you to understand because "We said so". It isn't right, it just is. You guys have to make your own mistakes and learn your own lessons. However, if you stop and take in just a little bit of what your parents say, You will find the lessons a little less hard sometimes.
Now this first part, I thought they should know why we know what we know. I said that we have lived it, and now we have some version of the answers. I wanted to elaborate here. Tell them that no we don't have all the answers and the answers we do have are not necessarily Right...they are just how we perceived them and what we took away. For us to imply that they will not find anything different is to say that we know it all. Of course we don't. We just know how it was for us and the lessons we learned and what we did with those lessons. Our goal is to make sure that those life lessons do not derail them. We try and protect them from having to learn those lessons as we cannot be sure how hard they will be.
Now it seems to me that you guys are talking about friendships and how they seem to fade away. And how you push them away.
I don't know any details, but I will talk in generals. Some times friendships and relationships cost more than we can give.
We tend to get selfish with our friends. We don't want to share them. We don't want anyone else to have that BFF feeling with "Our BFF" That is too much pressure to put on anyone. No one can fill all our needs. And when we look to our "Friend" to do that, we are being selfish.
And sometimes, it is the thought that counts.
You know exactly how much you can sacrifice for a friend. You think you do. Sometimes they ask so much from us, we think we can not give anything else. Or else we feel like we cannot give enough. And sometimes we have nothing to give at all. We want to make everything good for them, but there is nothing there.We feel guilty for not being able to give back what has been given. That is when the thought counts. Maybe it is just a phone call, or a note. Maybe a card in the mail. You can not judge tit for tat. I think that is what I am trying to say. There are friends that can pull out the check book. There are friends that have more time. But really, it isn't about what can you do for me now. Love is not measured about how much money or time you have. I know that I have friends that are constantly giving me gifts. I cannot do that as I don't have the money. It is about the thought.
OH now...We have the whole Boyfriend Girlfriend thing. This is where it gets really sticky. As we start dating, our friends start to feel a little excluded. And when they don't have a significant other at the same time, your friends start to get real jealous. And it isn't that they are mean. It is just normal stuff. It is how you handle the jealousy and your feelings and your friends feelings that makes you the person you are.
If you have a long life with the same spouse and your children grow up healthy and happy, you will still need your friends. Because life is not perfect and there are going to be days when friends are what will keep you sane.
You guys will figure it out. Try to give each other the space you need. Try and learn that being friends doesn't mean that you have to be tied to each other 24/7. Learn that sometimes being right doesn't mean the other person is wrong.
And there was a saying that was made popular back in the 70's...
"Love means never having to say your Sorry" Well that is bull....even when you love someone with all your heart, If you feel you need to say " I am sorry" Then yes...the other person needs to hear it.
One more thing... Careful what you say in anger, Because that thing about sticks and stones is also not real true... Words between friends and loved ones will make scars that do not easily heal. A broken heart will take much longer to heal than a broken leg. In fact, sometimes those scars never heal.
All of these things I believe are true. Saying your sorry is important. Never be afraid to make amends. You will not always see eye to eye, but never forget to treat each other with respect. This does sound like a lot of work. Well you know the good things in life usually do take work. Sometimes it is a great deal of responsibility to take care of a friendship. When life gets busy, it is easier to let your friends go. Not returning calls, missing lunch dates, not remembering birthday cards...This is when your true friend doesn't worry about it. They might call and ask, "Is something wrong? What can I do to help?" And you know that when the day is over, they will be waiting on the other end of the phone when you do have time to make that call. Friends are like that you know.