Monday, September 24, 2012


I have written about my job before. I am so fortunate that I found it and I feel so guilty calling it a "Job". I think that I would pay them to let me hang out there all day. There is no way to express how it has changed my heart. Who knew that loving children that didn't belong to me would be so easy and satisfying. I am absolutely certain of one thing. God blessed my life by putting these Angels in my world.

 I love my children and grandchildren, but my students at school are on another level. I don't love them any more than my own, but they certainly have that part of my heart I never knew existed.  We have 4 autistic grandsons that span the spectrum. When I see the challenges facing these precious children in my classroom, I know that we could be facing worse.

Right now, the challenge is to say goodbye to Megan. I am not ready to say goodbye. It doesn't feel like I have had enough time with her. I know that when God gets ready to bring us home, it is His choice. Wanda and I talked about how she would be perfect in Heaven. And I said that she was already perfect, but that she would be able to walk, talk and run. There would be no more pain and suffering. After taking care of her baby for 16 years,Wanda was worried about who would take care of her there. Of course she answered that question...God will.

For the past 16 years, she has been an angel here on earth. Her smile is beautiful and lights up the room. Her sky blue eyes sparkle when she laughs. She throws her colors and blocks across the room.
Her laughter for pulling such a stunt is contagious. Of course when we scold her for throwing those toys, she rolls her eyes at us.  I love to hold her soft hands. I always imagine cuddling up and watching movies with her. Her mom said she loves to cuddle. In our 5th hour, we play music. It doesn't matter what it is, she has a great time. She lights up, claps her hands and throws her head back and laughs.

The doctors have now said that they have done all they can. She is such a fighter, you just can't imagine her giving up. I don't think she actually gave up, but her heart just can't keep up anymore. So now it is God's turn to decide when to call her home.  I know that God is choosing a pair of Angel Wings and that nothing but perfect will be good enough.

So whenever he sends her wings and calls her home, we will lose a part of something wonderful. A piece of my heart will be broken. I don't know how to say goodbye. I don't know how to comfort her mom and dad, I don't know how, I just don't know how. I know that prayer will make it better, and I know that we will have plenty of those. My prayer for Ron and Wanda is that God gives them the strength to go on from here. I pray that he helps them understand how taking Megan from our lives is the best thing. I know they will not see it now. I cannot imagine it ever making any sense.

Megan, when God finds the perfect pair of Angel Wings, he will lift you in air and set you free. You will always be with us. We will see your smile in the face of a stranger. We will hear your voice in the wind. When we least expect it, we will feel your butterfly kisses on our cheeks. And although your heart will be silent, we will hear it. These memories you have given us are precious.

Thank you Wanda and Ron for sharing your beautiful Megan with me. She will have a special place in my heart that I will never let go.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Hello, My Name is Cindy and I am an Addict: CANDY CORN

It is that time of the year that we look forward to, Autumn. The season changing and all that comes with it. The colors changing from bright yellows and greens to brunt orange, reds and browns. The days are getting shorter, nights are getting longer. Temperatures are finally coming down and you might need a jacket in the mornings. The stores are getting ready and you will find Halloween decorations and the Candy. With all of the signals that fall is here, comes that little voice in my head "Where is the Candy Corn? Where are those little pumpkins?" Which translates into "WHERE'S the SUGAR?" For an addict like me, this is bad...really bad.

By the end of  August, I have finally gotten rid of all those extra pounds that I put on every winter. And this year was no different. I actually took off more than that. I had been working hard at it all summer long. Then one day I am at the grocery store, minding my own business, just buying the groceries that I needed. I looked up and there it was. CANDY CORN... I picked up the bag. I put it back. I picked it up again and placed it to my nose and took in a deep breath smelling all that sugar.  I close my eyes and my mouth started watering. I quickly threw the bag back on the shelf. I walked away. Nope, I am not buying any of that this year. I am not falling back into that trap again. It wasn't easy, but I did it. I was so proud of myself. I can do it this year. I can do it, I can do it. I sounded just like that little steam engine that thought he could.  I kept telling my self that I could do it and I would do it.

I made it through the weekend and longer. We were off work for Labor Day holiday and when we returned to school on that Wednesday, our teacher was so proud. She had been shopping and she brought a present to school. She filled the candy bowl with Mini Chocolate bars. Okay, I can handle this. I can eat chocolate bars in moderation. I can see them in the dish and walk away. I don't need them. Oh but that wasn't all. She had a wonderful surprise for me. It was a bag of Candy Corn. I am like an addict with Candy Corn. I cannot eat it in moderation. I will eat it a handful at a time until it is all gone. I am shameless when it comes to Candy Corn. I tried to eat it slowly. I tried not to eat it with both hands. At the end of the week, I had finally eaten it all. I need meetings.

When I went to the grocery store, I bought a bag of the candy corn, and a bag of the pumpkins. I am pretty sure it is a food group of it's own. At Crest, the Halloween Candy is on the same side of the store as the fresh vegetables and fruits. The pumpkins are orange and green. Isn't this a sign that they are full of oxidants and vitamins. Hmmmm. Well probably not, but a girl can dream.

This is not the end, as my "Friend" bought me a bag on Saturday and dropped them off at my house. I can see that this is going to be a real problem. Well the bag I got on Saturday was Green Apple flavored and they were Green. Doesn't that mean they are full of Vitamin A?

I can see that I have a problem and yes I need meetings. That 20 lbs that I lost last year, may not stay away. You see, that the candy corn is not the only problem. A sugar addict I am. The season starts off with Candy Corn... This leads into Thanksgiving and all those pies we make and eat. Right after that, is the candy for Christmas. And of course the cookies and all the parties that we attend. I always try and use the good stuff to cook with, but sometimes that is impossible.

We do stay pretty active through all of this, so that the pounds just inch up. But you know that after Christmas and the holidays, the weather is bad and it is too cold to get out to walk or exercise so we hibernate in the house with our blankets and comfort foods. And then the pounds go from inching to piling up... And then we have Valentines Day. You do know that they make special Candy Corn for that holiday now also. I just can't win. I may have to go into an inpatient rehab center to break this cycle.  After Easter, we start looking for our summer wardrobe. This is bad, really bad. I do not want to do this again this year, But.........Hello, My Name is Cindy and I am an addict! 

A Serious Note:  I just want you to know that I take addiction seriously. I have seen it first hand and I know the devastation that it causes to people who suffer as well as their family's. I want you to know that this is just me being silly and that I would never make fun of or pretend that it is any way a laughing matter. I hope that you read this with the spirit that it is meant to be.

I would love to hear any comments from anyone that takes the time to read them. I always tease that I am a writer wanna be. Share your thoughts good or bad..just be kind and remember to keep it clean.

Friday, September 14, 2012

What a great show..Thank you TRAIN

I haven't seen that many concerts, but I have seen good ones, bad ones and some GREAT ones. Tonight we went to the "OKC Zoo Amphitheater" and stood in the rain to see "TRAIN". This is one of the very best shows I have been to.

When you buy a ticket to see a concert, you never know. I mean you have an expectation, but you never know. One person I saw in concert back in the day when he was very popular gave the worst concert I have ever seen. To say I was disappointed is a huge understatement. I think it rates up there with finding out that Santa Clause isn't a real person. He acted like he didn't even know where he was or even care. It would have been better if he had just called in sick.

But tonight, in the rain, Pat and his crew put on the best show. He made it feel like he was the privileged one. He made us feel as if There was no other place in the world he wanted to be but here in the rain, performing for us. He got off of the stage and got wet with us. He took video of the audience watching him. He took phones from people in the audience and took pictures of himself. He took pictures of himself with the owners of the phone. As the audience reacts and responds to his concert, he watches. At the end, he pulls 2 kids(12 or 13) up on stage and gives them a guitar that is signed by the band. He does this at every concert.

So to you, Pat and your band, thank you for a wonderful evening. And thank your appreciating us like you thought our TIME meant something to you.

If you ever have a chance to see their concert... Jump on it. You won't be disappointed, even if you have to sit in the rain...and you don't get a t shirt, or get on stage or get a soccer ball.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Neil Armstrong: Thank You for Dreaming Big Enough

 If you are a Baby Boomer, you know where you were the day Neil Armstrong took that first step on the moon. He was a hero to our generation. I don't think that kids today can appreciate what those astronauts really did. When they said "The Right Stuff"... We knew exactly what that meant. The combination of Discipline, Hard Work, and Guts..this is "The Right Stuff".

My grandmother was born in 1899. When she moved to Oklahoma from Arkansas with her family, she was only 2. They came here in a wagon and a big part of the miles were made on foot. There wasn't a telephone and electricity was only in the homes of the very rich. Air Planes were invented in 1903. In 1962 the first man to orbit the earth in a space ship was John Glen.NASA continued to explore space  In 1988 when she died, We returned to space in Discovery after a 2 year hiatus that was necessary after the Challenger disaster. My mother was born in 1939 and she didn't have electricity or even indoor plumbing. In the year 1957 I was born. This was during the baby boom. Televisions were becoming more popular.  In 1964 my baby brother was born and we got our first color television.  After they landed on the moon the first time, it became the new normal. My generation was taught  anything was possible. If you could imagine it, you could make it happen.

The television I watched Neil and Buzz make history on, was a small black and white with rabbit ears. We had foil on the tips of the antenna. I am sure that even on that day, we were standing moving them to help get a better picture. On that day in July, we held our breaths and watched. All the young boys and men and most women, wishing that we were with him as he took his step

Rest in Peace Neil Armstrong. You have been to where most men only dream. You and your crew were brave enough to bring to us more than just a few photos and moon rocks. You brought us possibilities and  hope that our future depends on not only what we know, but what we can dream. I hope our children learn that all of the things that they take for granted every day had a price. A dream cannot be realized by just wishing for it.  It takes your heart, soul and all of it together "The Right Stuff".


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