Sunday, December 7, 2008
I have had alot of stuff going on in my life. I found out that I absolutely love being a teacher. And even though I don't have the education or the title, I am a teacher. Some of the students ask me how long have I been teaching..Well in real life...that would be when I was 19 and had my first daughter.
I am at the school now with these kids the same age as my grandchildren, in fact I have had my Gdaughter in class. It just seems that these kids are suppose to be so much more smarter than we were, but you can not teach them how not to be a kid...Now what I mean is...Although they are taught more, exposed to more now, we assume they are so much more mature...Just because they are going through the motions...trying to be all grown up way too fast...They are still just kids. They are not mature enough to handle all that we have exposed them too. They are in fact...Just kids...Thank Goodness. Our goal should not be to help them mature quicker, our goal should be to limit the garbage that they are exposed to. The grown up stuff that they see and hear...Let these kids just be kids...Let them wonder about all the adult stuff...But don't give it to them...
You know that old wives tale about kids should not learn to walk before they can crawl...Now I don't know all the reasons behind that, but there are alot of things you can learn by crawling... You miss alot of stuff down there on the floor looking up when you don't explore the world on your knees first. And I think the same could be said for kids. If they don't explore one year at a time...one hour, one minute, just think of all they miss. S....L.....O....W....Down.
This is one thing I learned when I was a kid, I still don't know how to stop it, but it has been one of those things that have always bummed me....You wait for all those miles stones in your life...Turning 13, 16, 21...Graduating, Marrying, having kids...but you know what...You spend years looking forward to it...but instead of stopping so that you can enjoy that time...OH NO...it is like a speed train...you better look fast, cause it is over so so fast..Sort of like Christmas...we spend 4 weeks or better getting ready for that all important day and then in a matter of a few minutes...GONE....
My Grandmother spent alot of time in our home. She lost her husband the month before I was born, so I never knew my Grandpa....and my mom was a late baby, so my Grandmother was older....But she would come and stay at our home. During her last years with us, she was here more than she was at home. She was almost blind and so she stayed with us...We called her Maw...I worked at the same place as my Mom. And we worked alot of overtime. She would help me with my children on the Saturdays that I worked. She would always say..."I can't believe it is time to put up that Christmas Tree. I know we just took it down a couple of weeks ago." Well guess what I thought she was crazy then...But now I know exactly what she meant.
Also, even at a young age...grade school..it always made me a little sad when we went into a New Year. When we would write our name on our paper and put the date, changing the year would always just leave me feeling empty...WHY??? I don't know.
Well I guess I should go...I will be here more often...I have some stories to tell of Junior High...I hope that I can continue to Sub...
The last few weeks have been hard as I have had to work every day. But we have 10 more days of school and I can only work 5 of those, and that will bring us to our Christmas Break...
Have a great day...
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
I was so nervous. I had that "Your a Drug Addict" paranoia going on. I felt that my regular Rhuematologist felt like I was abusing my pain meds because I was needing more and more of them. I kept telling myself that I had been on the same dosage for almost 5 years. He explained how a PMD(pain management doctor) had more options to treat me. I was thinking sure...he will pull me off all meds and tell me I am faking...
Well I am happy to tell you I was wrong. He is a very caring doctor and understands fibromyalgia...What??? I am so lucky to have two doctors that believe in me when I read the horror stories from others that can't get more than an aspirin to help with their pain.
Wow..I am blessed.
He really gets it. I don't know what I expected from him, but not this much understanding of pain in Fibromyalgia. Well go ahead and say it...DUH...he is a PAIN Doctor....
He spent almost 2 hrs with me going over my history and examining me.
And then he wrote out the instructions and treatment plan. WHAT???Words that I understand and written down so that my foggy brain won't forget. And an explanation of what each med would do for me...I was blown away.
He also through in some counseling. I will write it down as he did
- Must accept that you pain will likely NEVER TOTALLY go away.
- Must learn to adjust and pace activity.
- Must learn it is okay to "Be Broken"
- Understand that your meaning and value in this life is not measured in what I do.
It was like he knew what all of us feel. You know that even as hard as my family trys, they cannot see all these truths. How can I expect them to when I have not accepted it myself. We had some discussion of the You Must Accept one...And I told him that I go through the whole accept...Have a good day, week or even month and I start to feel I am NOT Sick...and bam I am knocked down again, and then of course you go through the denial, grief and acceptance thing all over again. This is when he gave me the pace speech again with a different twist that I had not heard before. If a diabetic is in denial, and will not eat properly, his diabetes will never be under control. So when we are in the denial part, and we are pushing ourselves, this creates more and more pain and we will never have our pain controlled...so in fact...we must ACCEPT and PACE to ever get our pain under control.
He then said his goal was to have his patients as pain free as possible and the only way our families know that we take meds is by the empty medicine bottle sitting there.
As we sat and talked, he put this gadget on me. It had little clamps that clamped onto your ear lobes. He turned it on and it sent electrical waves through the brain. I wish I could explain it like he does. It is not cheap and of course Medicare as well as other insurances will not cover it. He uses it in the office while you are there and I have to say that after 25 minutes of use, it did help me feel more relaxed and I was in less pain. Now to understand how I knew it affected my pain, you have to understand that I had not had any pain meds for almost 24hrs and I was in pretty severe pain when I went in. I also had a sinus headache and menstrual cramps. Also my anxiety levels were up as I got lost on my way there and I was late, added to the fact I was seeing a new doctor that I thought was going to yell at me for taking too many pain meds. So in fact I know that it made my pain more tolerable and it did calm me. I left that office at 12:00 and I didn't get my meds until after 4. Anyways, moving on..the name of the device is Alpha-Stim. This is their website. www.alpha-stim.com
Of course I did get the excercise speech and he told me that on FIT TV, they have all kinds of excercise programs and some of them are for people with arthritis. So I found the channel, and will try and find a program that will help me.
Now the medication part...He said that he wanted to try me on a med that would keep a small dosage of pain med in my body at all times. Then I could use the Lortab for breakthrough pain. Instead of taking my pain med, and then it wear off and my pain levels get out of control before my next dosage. He said patches or pills. He decided pills. He also said he likes the name brand better than the generic as he thinks they work better. He also said we might have trouble getting the insurance to pay for it. Well guess what...Nope it wasn't on my Medicare D plan. So on Monday I will call him and tell him that and see what he wants to do, cause I cannot afford 200 plus for one medication. He also wants me to continue my other meds and only change one thing at a time. So here we go.
Hey I went to RXList to look up the drug Kadian. They had a slide show about Fibromyalgia posted there. You know it was funny, that this was on that page. One of the slides says that Narcotic meds were not often prescribed for FM because they have not been proven to work. So why would you put this slide show on this particular med then...who knows... But here is the slide show. http://www.rxlist.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=90070
Well Have a great weekend and GO SOONERS!!!! Whoo Hooooo
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
I ended up teaching a half a day yesterday in the Special Ed class at an Elementary School.
I enjoyed it so much.
I did not sleep well. I hate Zanaflex...I have to take 3 for them to help me sleep. If I try more than that, I will hallucinate...and sometimes the 3 makes me. Like last night...But when I am sick, I dream crazy anyways...
I sit up last night too long as I knew I had to work today, but I just kept feeling worse and worse.
I was coughing...When I got up this am, I knew I could not work today...
I can see that this is the type of job I need. And I feel I have made huge progress...When I worked before, I would make myself go in sick or not...I could not let my people down now could I...
We were told in the workshop that they would not question us for cancelling a job, if we couldn't do it, we couldn't do it...I just feel rotten about it...
Do you ever get confused on if it is JUST the FM, or if you are really sick????
Doesn't it make you crazy? You spend a few days thinking it is just the FM until you get way worse and realize you could have nipped it in the bud. Or you think you are really sick and go to the doctor, and guess what...It is ONLY your FM...
I suppose you can figure out that this is a big ole whiny post today...
Here's to hoping for better days tomorrow...
Oh by the way, I have an appointment with a pain doctor on Friday. I am feeling pretty depressed about that also. I feel like my doctor is punishing me for needing more pain meds.
I have been on the same dosage for about 4 years...and now I am needing more than I have been prescribed. Duh...4years...I am becoming tolerant to the issue. Not only that, and I have talked to the PA about this. I had gastric bypass surgery 5 years ago. So I believe that the drug is not absorbed by the body before it is pushed out of my system. Much like the nutrients in my food.
So although the dosage I am on is higher, I am getting much lower bennefits from it. I even have to take chewable vitamins so that they will dissolve quicker.
You know, the doctor could have tried me on the liquid...but nope...
Have a great day and I will try and cheer up before I come back here...
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
I always thought this was crazy, but the longer I live the better I understand. I don't know why we are so amazed when we figure out that our parents and grandparents were right all this time.
It happens over and over again....You hear their words when you least expect it and the old cliche, that we find our parents looking back at us when we look in the mirror, well you know that is so so true. I hope that the things my children learn from me are as valuable as the lessons I have learned. I pray that they can remember the good things more than the bad and that the mistakes they make will not cost as much as the ones I made.
Well I am off to school...My first day as a Teacher..Whoo Hooo
Sunday, September 28, 2008
It was almost like Katie was setting her up with questions that she could then twist her answers around and confuse Sara. I read one portion of the interview and then read comments made by viewers and readers. They were saying she was bullied by Katie... I didn't see that, so I went back and read some more...Yes! She was being bullied. I was very disappointed.
Because she is not a world traveler, does that mean she can't have an understanding of Foreign Policy?How many foreign countries do you have to visit to become qualified? Is one enough or do you have to have a card punched and filled like a Value Customer or something? Would Condeleza Rice have enough punches to be that?
Some say the idea of her as President is scary...No to me, what would be scary is Nancy Pelosi as President. Barack Obama as President, Or Joe Biden.
And another thing that really gets under my skin. How can she be a President and still care for her young Children???? Well isn't that a little bit sexist. How can a man have young children and still be president. And Oh...she can't take care of her own family....Everyday in this country, Mothers and Fathers face the same issues with their own children. Unless you are with your child 24 hrs a day, in the same room, you can only hope that they will use all the things you have taught them. That they will make the right choices.
Of course you have an idea about your children that they are smarter and will make better choices than you did, but they are after all humans that God gave a free will and no matter how guarded they are, they will make their own mistakes.
I sure wish I could articulate better...
See you again tomorrow... and I will give you a report of my long weekend and stuff...
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Whoo Hooo That would be today.
I swear I am so broke and even when we get paid, I am still broke. This SSDI is for the birds. I am so ready to get back to work...
I think I am going through Poor Me syndrome again. I so want to be able to work to buy stuff I want...and go places and even though my head says...You go Girl...My body probably will not let me.
I do go tomorrow...Hooray ...for a workshop so that I can substitute teach.
That will pay me 45.00 a day and it let's me work when I can or when I feel like it.
As long as I don't make over 7 or 8 hundred dollars a month, I will not lose my benefits.
I go to the Pain Management Clinic for the first time on October 3. I am a little nervous about that. I just can't seem to get my pain under control and my Rhuematologist says that the PM doctors have more ways to help.
I do not want to be a zombie, but on the other hand, I also am afraid they will take away my meds that I already get.
The FM pain has been worse, the Arthritis pain has been worse. Yesterday I had alot of inflammation in my finger joints...I also felt very flu eeee...
No temperature, but I felt like it.
Do any of you have severe OA that goes along with the FM..You know it is like you don't know where one ends and the other begins...
So when you go to the Doctor, they look at you like you are crazy...I know that Dr. Willis understands, but his PA..not so much. She is young and has not seen as many patients with both I think.
So she thinks like a text book. And I don't think she looks outside the box. She sees and hears your first complaint. So when you see her, you don't know what to say.
I try very hard not to see her. She is not unkind, she is just ignorant of the fact.
His old PA was an older man and he really understood me.
Well enough whining for me.
I have alot to say about the Economy and the governments part in it all, but this will wait until later.
Hope everyone enjoys their Hump Day...
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Today started out so cool and crisp..I love Fall. I think there is something I love about every season. Fall I love...Highs in the 60's and 70's and lows in the 50's..hmmmm.
Well we had our morning of lows in the 50's, but the afternoon will hit 80 again.
When we are riding the motorcycle however, I would rather it be in the 80's as I do not like wearing all the leather stuff...It does help me stay warm, but it is so hard to wear...Heavy I guess and bulky...Harder to climb on and off.
A little about our Motorcycle...We got a large chunk of money...not rich chunk chunk, but big enough to invest in something for fun...he decided to buy a motorcycle. Now I was against it...For one thing, he never talked about wanting one, and I just always thought they were too dangerous and then you know them bikers...well I just thought they were...you know..criminals and dopers...
Well NOT...lol..So of course I went along with Mike. He promised that he would show me the United States. I had never really been anywhere. He was a truck driver and went everywhere, I stayed home, worked and raised our children...So I guess I will see it on the back of a Bike.
He bought a brand new 2005 Yamaha 1700 Midnight Silverado Roadstar.
With the Yamaha, we got a years free membership into Star Touring and Riding Association.
He had decided he wanted to look for a group to ride with and he did a lot of research on the internet. Star is a family orientated group. They believe in promoting safe riding and bringing families together. I think the thing that sold Mike was that they support Feed The Children.
He is all about Kids...
So we contacted our local chapter and went on our first dinner run with them.
We have made so many new friends. We have a new "Star" family.
This is a link to Chapter 378 in North OKC http://www.starchapter378.com/
I have learned so much about "Bikers" and have a new respect for them.
Of course you have your 1%s and they are Clubs like the Hell's Angels.
We are NOT a Club, but an Association.
Our President of the Chapter is CSI for Midwest City, OK...We have business owners, police officers, teachers, bankers and just regular folks.
Our Star Family has been a blessing. And we are a family.
This year at the Oklahoma City Walk For Autism, Our chapter came out and walked with my family. Next year they really want to get more involved. I hope our Team will raise money and awareness for Autism Speaks.http://www.autismspeaks.org/
Of course when you are a Family there is lots of laughter and fun, but then there are tears.
We have lost one member of our family when he was hit by a car. We have another member fighting for her life. She has stage 4 cancer.
Just like a real family, we have to invest our hearts and lives.
You would think that riding would hurt my FM and OA...it does...but then it hurts to sit at home and watch the world go by...So I think that the fun and laughter keeps my spirits higher and lets me deal with the pain.
It also pushes me to get out of this house when it is easier to just stay in and climb into that hole of depression. I don't want you to think that it is always easy, and there are times I just cannot go...but..it helps to be a part of something.
When I had to give up my job...it left a hole inside...a sense of being part of something. A reason to get up in the mornings. This has given some of that back to me.
I am also the secretary, so if feels good to be needed.
Mike traded our Roadstar in for a Harley Davidson Ultra Classic.
He said so that I would be more comfortable. I am..So this does help.
There have been rides that I could not have done on the Roadstar.
We have been to Sturgis SD. We have ridden to the fartherest point west in OK. We rode into New Mexico. We went on a ride to Rodgers AK this summer.
I could not have made those rides on the Roadstar.
Hope you have a great day....
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Prayers go out to all of you in the path of Ike...Wow he is not a happy camper...
Did you see the View yesterday? Senator McCain and his wife Cindy were on.
I felt like they held their own with the group of Ladies.
I am a Republican and I'd say conservative. However, although I agree with Elizabeth on most issues, sometimes she makes us sound like idiots. She is so over the top. But I suppose since she is outnumbered, she feels she has to squeak louder than the other wheels.
Whoopie, is a class act. She expresses her views and she allows others to have theirs. She doesn't feel threatened because you have a different opinion.
Joy... I love her even when I don't agree with her.
Barbara has learned to keep her views to herself and just report what others tell her.
I don't mean she doesn't give her views, but she seems to let her views come in beside what she is reporting. I don't know exactly how to say what I am trying to say.
I think Sherry is more in tune with today than the others. She seems to think through every aspect of the debate. She doesn't necessarily agree with the most popular view, but she gives her reasons why ...
It is like she doesn't feel that she has to form to any one party. Each issue is judged on what it is not what it looks like to a republican or a democrat....
I really believe that is where we are as Americans. I think we should be Americans first and then figure out what party we are about.
And I think that the issue of Roe v Wade is not the most important issue at hand. I am not saying that it isn't an issue, but I don't think that this law will ever be overturned.
That issue has been settled and for all the hoopla that arises at every election, I believe their are so many other pressing issues.
I feel like the rights of the American people have been taken away one by one.
The fact that one person that feels uncomfortable when we pray at a public event can cause the rest of us to forfiet our rights...this doesn't make any sense to me at all.
And it seems to me that when we took God out of schools, we brought in Gangs, Guns and Drugs.
Kids are not taught the 10 commandments. And you know...whether you believe in God or not, how can it be wrong to teach Thou shalt not Kill, Thou Shalt not steal, Thou Shall respect your parents....And most people do believe in God. So what is the problem????? Do into others as you would do into yourselves...What is so bad with that...
I will have a lot more to say about all of this, but right now...I am going to check on Ike...
Friday, September 12, 2008
Mike is going to Kansas City MO this weekend to watch his precious Raiders...Do you think that Raiders and Precious belong in the same sentence..hmmmm...lol
Mr. Ike is knocking on the door and I don't think he is going to wait for anyone to answer it.
I have cousins in the area and ask for prayers for them and everyone in it's path.
Yesterday was the 7th anniversary of one of the most horrific days in most of our lives.
But I think back to that day and you know....
How does it rate with the MOST horrific days of my life?
My Grandma died in 1989. That was a really bad day. My Granny passed away in 1996. OUCH...that really hurt...
In November 2003, Dad passed away...OOOOUUUUCCCCHHHH!!!
That was the worst day of my life.
But as bad as that day was...I knew that life would go on. And I would miss my Dad but he would always live in my heart.
But on Sept 11, 2001 our lives were shaken up so badly we didn't know if there would be a tomorrow. That feeling of absolute terror and not knowing what the end of the day would bring was horrible.
Had we finally made God so mad that he was going to turn his back on us?
Thank goodness he didn't. He gave us yet another chance. But I don't know how much longer he will allow us to keep dissing him...so speak...turning our backs on him and what we know is right.
I hope everyone has a great day and weekend...stay safe and God bless you!!!!
Monday, September 8, 2008
My son has four boys. Ryan is the oldest. He has Autism. We call him a genius or McGuyver...He will be 8 in about a month. His brother Noah is 6. He is low functioning autistic, but he is so special and sweet. Ashton is 5 and he is my birthday boy. We celebrate our birthday on Aug 22nd...He has autism as well...Brody is our baby. He just turned two. He shows no signs of autism. He has been a blessing.
I am including a video that my Daughter inlaw made about her boys...Get the Tissues...You may have seen it as it has been around the web...http://s209.photobucket.com/albums/bb293/cindyl57/?action=view¤t=VideoofAutismvideo-Photobucket-Vide.flv
Autism is not a one dimensional disease and there are no cookie cutter dx's. It is like a child walks into an Autism store and picks his symptoms from the shelf. No two children are alike. And while we don't understand why, we understand they have needs that are unlike any others.
I hope that you all read as much as you can about autism. Don't assume every child that has it is "Rain Man". I have learned so much.
I will try and convey as much of that knowledge through my blog.
I have some wonderful children and grand children and my life is so blessed.
The other day I was thinking of what I think about different stuff...in general and wrote down some stuff to blog about...
Hmmm if I could only find the list.
I guess today I will write about my party's nominated VP....Sara Palin. WOW...Did McCain hit it out of the park or what!!!!
A Woman in politics that have small children at home and one that is special needs.
We have to get her into office.
People will say ..."Well what about Hillary???? I never respected Hillary. You know how some times you meet a person and something about them just rubs you the wrong way...and I kept thinking well...maybe I am just being too hard on her...but that feeling just never went away. And suddenly they had to move from the House on the Hill..
The Clintons lived in Arkansas. That was their home, but when their term was over...Hillary went State shopping. I would think that you would want to go home and do something for the people that got you started in the political ring.
And when it got time to start the election machine, her and several other's...said WE made a mistake by supporting this war...WHAT????You got the same intel as the Prez and every other person in Senate and House....So now you are telling the soldiers of this country they are wrong to be where they are. This is just my spin, but it makes me so angry that they stand up now and LIE so they will win an election.
Also another thing that just really makes me angry...When the Prez asked for more money for OUR SOLDIERS....there were certain members of our government that held our soldiers hostage. Only voting to support them if certain things were promised to their own state....Hanging our family members out to dry so to speak.
Now if I get any hate mail on this, just let me say right up front I WILL NOT engage in an argument about this. I gave my opinion and you can give yours...but don't expect me to turn this into a "war". I don't fight well and I don't articulate well and I just won't do it...
Hope everyone has a great day....
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Now a little about me...I have Fibromyalgia..I think for all of my life, and if you have never heard of it...well neither had I until I was dx with it in 2002. Now I knew about the pain and being tired, but I thought that all these years since I was a kid...that I was lazy and that everyone had pain and the older I got and the more pain I was in...so what..my Mom had a headache her intire life and my Dad was crippled with osteoarthritis as was his mom....So it was normal Right???
Wrong...When my body finally had enough..it screamed and didn't let me get away with it anymore...I had a huge flare up and I couldn't get out of the chair...Finally I saw a specialist..which is a Rhuematologist who takes care of arthritis patients. Arthritis is caused by inflammation, but Fibromyalgia is not an inflammatory problem...go figure...hmmmm
My first Rhuematologist got me dx and started to help me figure out stuff to do...but my job was very physical and stressful. About 9 months went by and finally my body screamed STOP!!!
It didn't really give me a choice...I found a new Rhuematologist..He has been a life saver. The first priority of his was to get me out of pain. By this time I was off work and on short term disability. So long story short for now, I have osteoarthritis in almost every joint of my body. If I have a joint that doesn't have it, I don't know where it would be located...lol
So some days it is hard to figure where fm starts and the oa ends or visa versus...
This past week has been like that...Of course I have been doing some of the no no's...like overdoing it...You have to excercise with out pushing the limit or the excercise makes you worse...But then sometimes getting dressed pushes you past the limit...
Well that is enough about me today..I hope that you will come back and read as I post...
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- The Last Day of September!!!
- Good Evening and Sara Palin
- It's Hump Day
- Good Morning, Today started out so cool and crisp....
- Good Morning to all...I have just tried this Pica...
- Saturday in the Park...hmmm not
- Getting to know me!`
- I really need to rename this....to Cindy's Thought...
- Fibromyalgia meets OA
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