Friday, January 2, 2009

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!!! I say that like I mean it and I really do want everyone to have a very Happy New Year, so why does this time always give me the blues...Every year. It doesn't matter if things are super, which they are not, but it never fails to put me into the blues.
I know that people get that depression from not getting enough sunlight, but this is so much more.
I can remember in grade school being depressed every new year. It is like I am mourning the loss of time. I try and think why I get so down, I just don't know..Of course when I was growing up and we had great traditions..from the tree to Christmas eve and Christmas morning. And those traditions grew as I got older and had a family of my own...But when I was a kid, my dad drank really alot..and there were lots of fights between him and my mom about his drinking.
Then, the fact that he was a carpentar and my Dad's work was off in the winter time, which meant that money was tight and there were fights about that. I guess it was just not a real cheery time around our house. Oh of course Christmas was magical, but I guess I felt the anger and tension between my parents. Maybe that is why I get so depressed. But you know the new year should be a chance to start over and change things and be new again, but it just seems to me that I was always mourning the loss of time. I love clocks and I like to collect them. I think of it as getting more time. I want real clocks though..not battery operated ones...but seems like that is all you can afford to buy now as the "real" clocks are so expensive.
I think alot of time the reason I do not want to go to bed is because it is like wasting my time. And sleeping late is also a waste of time. I really have a hard time staying in bed because of the pain also. This morning I just wanted to sleep, but I had to get up...I am way too young to feel this damn old...
Well I guess this is just the same old rambling that I always do.
Hope you all have a great New Year and maybe by the time February rolls in, I will be much better...

1 comment:

54585458 said...

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If you email me I will send you the science.
I have been hospitalized twice for clinical depression, the second because I was close to suicide. I know how difficult it can be to find the right doctor and treatment. Nancy Campbell

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